I have a few minutes to myself and have been meaning to blog about a million things, but moms of twins know- you don't always have time to collect your thoughts! So my blogs from now on may not be very organized- but hey, I am a mom of a 5 yr old and 10month old twins!
Here are some of the things I did to get by with the twins from when they were first born until now....
-Set up pack-n-play in my living room because they sleep and wake so much, it was easier than going up and down and up and down the stairs!
-pre-filled bottles with however many ounces they were drinking and then had a little basket with bottles, a can of formula, spoon to mix each bottle, and a notepad to write down when each baby ate last- TRUST ME, YOU WON'T REMEMBER! :)
-For a while in the beginning I would wash a bunch of bottles by hand because they were going through SO MANY because they ate so many times a day.. so I would wash some by hand so I would have a few ready and then when I had enough dishes for the dishwasher I would just throw them in there- using the Munchkin baskets for washing bottles.. I also kept a medium size plastic container in the sink and thats where I put only the bottles and their parts, just so they don't get all mixed up with regular dishes or so that none of the parts accidentally go down the drain/garbage disposal!! Once they are older and drinking less, its easier because you have many bottles so you don't have to spend time hand washing them... also, once they are eating, you are going through more dishes and have plenty of dishes to wash anyways, especially if you have another child and have run out of paper plates!
-Changing table was also in my living room, with diapers, wipes, onesies, sleepers and blankets- oh, and had a small type square cloth container (like they sell at Target) with burp cloths and bibs- You will need TONS of these when they are little, or else you will be going through even more onesies and outfits then you do already!
-once they were more consistent, I started filling one of those travel containers for powdered formula ahead of time, just to cut down on some time when they are screaming and need a bottle STAT! (thanks to my mom for first starting this!)
-I slept (or tried to) whenever the babies slept, even if it is a few winks, 20 min, whatever, try and do it
-Feed one baby, and then the other.. people always said- feed them at the same time- now as a new mom of twins, this confused me.. I thought- do I REALLY feed them at the SAME EXACT TIME? At first I would feed and hold one so that he would get the cuddle time, then I would wake up the other one- because he would soon wake up anyways! And it was just easier I thought because I would just fall back asleep and the one who didn't eat would then wake up,,.so I saved myself the trouble and just fed him after...
-Once I got more experienced- or just tired of listening to a hungry baby cry while I fed his brother.. I did start feeding them at the EXACT SAME TIME. At first I tried it with one in the travel swing and the other in a bouncy seat.... not very comfy for me... the best way I found to do this was I put a boppy pillow on one side of me, and had the baby lay on it, most times I propped the head of the boppy with another pillow or something under it so the baby was more propped up.. and then I had a boppy on my lap with a baby and I fed them at the same time.. taking turns burping in between..of course they didn't like that always! Once they were getting bigger, it was off the lap and both boppies were on either side of me, I would prop my feet up on something and have pillows under each of my arms because they would get tired and I fed them at the same time... This was a LIFE SAVER! Because they start to get on the same schedule, it was just easier to feed them this way, especially if I was by myself. If there is someone else there that wants to feed them or is not busy, by all means, MAKE THEM feed the baby.. but for me, most times I was by myself, and this got pretty easy. Once they start holding their own bottles-- WOW, life changes dramatically!!! :) I also bought these mini (and I mean TINY) boppy type pillows that look just like round donuts that hold the bottles... at times these worked and sometimes you had to finagle something to keep them propped, but they were good in a pinch and in the car... UNTIL--- THE PODEE BOTTLE!
-Once the babies are good at sucking, you should try the PODEE BOTTLE! It is GREAT! I got one with my first son and thought it was strange and never used it. But with TWINS, it is great!!! Especially when my older son wanted me to play with him and the babies had to eat, I gave them each a podee bottle and plopped them in their bouncy seats and they watched us play wii or whatever it was we were doing! If you don't know what a podee bottle is, it's a regular bottle that has a straw-like tube in the bottle, then a cap type thing on the top of the bottle with another really long straw tube that has a nipple attached to the top and the babies suck on it like a pacifier! It is a MIRACLE! I took these with me to the mall and had the boys in my snap-n-go carriage and they would drink away while I shopped or sat and rested!
-At first I used the cheap gerber bottles because I was stressing about all the BPA free stuff.. so I got the cheap plastic bottles.. but after many washes, I found that the nipples leaked around the ring and it was going everywhere! And when I was half asleep feeding the babies it would take me a while to realize that the baby wasn't really just drinking it fast, it was leaking all over him! I then switched to the VENTAIRE bottles by Playtex, they do have many pieces but I pretty much like them.. after a few months of hanging and drying all the parts and then assembling all the bottles- and running out of space... I thought of this..I got three mini plastic containers, one I put the rings in, another stored the nipples and the last stored the bottom cap and the disks... My life is easier now! I leave the little Munchkin style basket that I wash them in on the counter so they dry and hang the bottles on the drying rack, and then when they are dry (or sometimes I let them dry in their container), I assemble most of the bottom caps with the disk and I just sort them all into their little plastic tubs and I assemble a few bottles... now its so much easier than putting them ALL together when I take them out of the dishwasher because they are wet
-In the beginning, the babies don't do much..you hold them, they sit in a bouncy seat, they sit in a swing, the sleep in a pack-n-play or a crib, or a seat, or a swing... you can try and put them on one of those play mats when they are a little older, maybe around 2-3 months, they will only last a couple minutes at first, but they will grow to love it! I had a soothing bouncy seat and then I had a playful bouncy seat.. after a while I invested in 2 travel swings because they started to like the swing once they were a little older.. they didn't always sleep in the pack-n-play, they slept in any of the things I just mentioned- because its not really like sleeping through the night, they are just taking lots of mini-naps! I would just rotate the boys into different things because I felt like they would get bored! I was the one who was bored (well, you know what I mean)
-Baby Einstein- Baby Beethoven dvd-- THIS IS ANOTHER LIFE SAVER!!!!! It is the best.. my babies loved it, it says to start it around 3 months, I think I didn't get it until they were 4 months- they got it for Christmas. I tried it with my first son and thought he didn't like it, but he was my first and what did I know, he was probably really cranky when I put it in or who knows and then I never tried it again. My twins LOVE THIS DVD! My dad says it puts them in a trance and its like brainwashing- well, whatever it is, this will be your savior for about a half hour- or hit repeat like I often do! It calms them down and sometimes they fall asleep to it too! I have one or two others but they love Baby Beethoven! When they were 9 months I put in a teletubbies dvd and they LOVE this too.. they actually LAUGH OUTLOUD! One of my sons actually used to laugh at the same part in Baby Beethoven each time when the lion puppet would come out.. too cute
-The SNAP-N-GO carriage... is great for when they are in their infant carriers, all you do is open up the snap-n-go double stroller (not a side by side, it is a front to back one) and you just click the infant seat in place. It isn't the easiest to manuever but when you really want to get out of the house, it is perfect.
- The MOMMY HOOK- I wish I had it when I was using the snap-n-go. I got mine at Babies R Us or Toys R us and I have seen them at Bed Bath and Beyond.. it is just a huge hook- like ones they have for fastening harnesses or whatever, I don't know the real name, and you hook it onto your handlebar of your carriage and you can hook all your bags to it, because you won't be able to have a shopping cart when you have your stroller- babies won't fit and its a pain, so I use my mommy hook and some other hooks I got at babies r us and I hook my Re-usable shopping bags onto them and when I shop I put my stuff in there and then I just bring the bag up to the register and empty it out and they scan it and put it back in! :) Wish I had more of these!
-Baby Jogger Classic- City Series Double Stroller-- THE BEST CARRIAGE and WORTH THE MONEY! I didn't want to have to have one for shopping and the car and one for walking and jogging if I get daring! I wanted one, this one FITS THROUGH STORE DOORS! That is a must, or else you will have to buy another carriage. I got mine for $399 free shipping from albee baby website, shop around for deals. The seats recline so easily and it has THE BEST SUNSHADES ever, they REALLY block the sun at multi-positions, the underneath storage is small thats why I have my mommy hook and put my bags on it. I do admit that now that they are getting bigger, I MAY invest in 2 cheap umbrella strollers and get the little connecters that you can just fasten them together with, that will save me so much money and will be easy to use for a quick trip somewhere. It does get tiring lugging two babies in and out of the car and in and out of a carriage.. I usually don't go to more than 2 stores in a trip! Oh, tip for putting the jogging stroller into the car, I roll it RIGHT up to the back of the car where I am going to put it, it has the easiest folding trick ever, two straps on the seats that say FOLD and you pull up on them and lift the carriage at the same time and then I just put it right into the car, semi-heavy but so easy if you have it right next to your car, don't make yourself go walking over to where you need to put it!
-Bouncy seats... once my boys outgrew the regular bouncy seats and swings.. I switched to the infant to toddler rocker- which most could just start out with but I was using what I already had and then bought these from my mother of twins group (look into joining one of these groups, it is the best!)
Anyways, the Infant to Toddler rocker by Fisher Price, they can stay in it much longer - has a higher weight limit..because with two, I find the need to have them sitting at certain times, like when I want them to settle down with a bottle or something! They are great, can be a seat, vibrate, comes with a toy bar (which mine don't use anymore) It doesn't recline too much but it has worked for me! (or them!)
-Booster seat/high chairs- I have the Fisher Price Space Saver seats, I also bought from my mother of twins group. These are GREAT. Much better than the older boosters that attach to the dining room chair. I found my boys were leaning to one side in the other ones and they just weren't comfortable- These recline for when the babies are younger and you can put them in and give them a bottle, it has a tray you can use if you would like. They are just perfect and I wish I had them earlier because this is another way of feeding two babies at once (bottles). The seat is contoured to fit them better and has a seat cushion and everything.
Ok, that's all for now! I will add more at another time, but that is all my brain can handle! Feel free to add questions and I can answer them into the blog with my tip!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Conner on the news :) Fitchburg Zip Trip
I took Conner and the boys out to the Fitchburg Zip Trip with Fox 25 Morning news... take a peek at this video.. you can skip to the second segment with Kim Carrigan and the Dutch Kitchen interview.. watch for a little boy in a red coat ;)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
It's been a while!
I have not blogged in a while...excuses excuses, but I do have plenty to write about. At the moment I am on the teeney tiny laptop which is not easy for me to type on, so this will have to be continued at another time... but I wanted to put a quick update on here to get it going again :)
The babies have their 6 month check up tomorrow (they are about 6 1/2 months, all their check-ups are later now because one fell on X-mas and then we had to wait until after New Years for it).. both boys have colds- coughs and stuffy/runny noses.. Conner had the cough already and his is winding down now.. mine is gearing up and I have sinus issues along with the cough- fun fun. But the poor babies.. hopefully they sleep more tonight.... I need to get to bed because it is 12:47 am and I am sure they will be waking up soon!
So much to do around the house and time is flying by soooo quickly!
I need to become better at blogging more... so thanks to Becky for kicking my butt into gear with suggesting everyone blog about their babies.. instead of creating a new site just for the babies.. I figured this site would just evolve like my life has and readers will see how significantly my life has changed in the last 2 1/2 years! Plus, I can't have too many sites going at once because I will not be able to keep up with them! :)
Thats all for now :)
The babies have their 6 month check up tomorrow (they are about 6 1/2 months, all their check-ups are later now because one fell on X-mas and then we had to wait until after New Years for it).. both boys have colds- coughs and stuffy/runny noses.. Conner had the cough already and his is winding down now.. mine is gearing up and I have sinus issues along with the cough- fun fun. But the poor babies.. hopefully they sleep more tonight.... I need to get to bed because it is 12:47 am and I am sure they will be waking up soon!
So much to do around the house and time is flying by soooo quickly!
I need to become better at blogging more... so thanks to Becky for kicking my butt into gear with suggesting everyone blog about their babies.. instead of creating a new site just for the babies.. I figured this site would just evolve like my life has and readers will see how significantly my life has changed in the last 2 1/2 years! Plus, I can't have too many sites going at once because I will not be able to keep up with them! :)
Thats all for now :)
Monday, October 13, 2008
A Walk to Remember 2008... We Love You Leah!!
Here are some pictures from our second Walk to Remember in honor of Leah. I can't believe it has been two years. I wish she were here now to be with her brothers.
Love and Miss you Leah Ann Rollo.
How the Boys got here and an Update
The Boys....it is long, you may need to read it in parts! hahah
I was going in for a regular appointment and my bloodpressure was high for the second week in a row. The last time the doc had me get bloodwork and it came back normal, but this time he sent me upstairs for monitoring of my bloodpressure, bloodwork and a non-stress test on the babies. After being in there for a while my doctor came in and said I failed.. he didn't like the results of my bloodpressure and bloodwork so he was sending me to Worcester. He decided to send me there because I was 36 weeks and if the babies came now and needed the NICU, Leominster didn't have one and he wouldn't want one baby or both to have to be sent to Worcester and then I would be in Leominster and yadda yadda.. So I called Joe, my sister and mom and Liz and everyone was getting things together..and oh ya- the kid I tutored on Mondays was excited I wasn't coming! (He doesn't like math!)
The ambulance came and brought me to Worcester-- (just got a HUGE bill, really, I could've driven myself! Hopefully this will be taken care of because it's ridiculous!) They set me up in a room with no window and a clock that doesn't work.. but it was ok because they said I wasn't staying there and I thought the babies were coming that night or the next day... WRONG! My nurses were nice though. Joe came and brought some stuff, but I didn't have my bag packed so I was missing a few things- like my glasses and contact solution and case! :) My nurse made me some nice replacements and got some hospital saline. Anyways, I had contractions that night but they think it was because I was dehydrated- I didn't think I was but once they gave me fluids the contractions stopped. I went on to have them every morning but they would go away. I was really wishing I was at my own hospital, especially since I was seeing doctors I didn't know- and tons of them and interns and students, I just felt weird. They were also seeming to try and convince me not to have a c-section (because at the time one was breech and one was not, but Ryan kept moving around!) So they were making me feel bad that I didn't want to try a vaginal birth but I was worried about having to have both, having cord accidents or anything.. so they weren't making me feel better. They kept saying how a vaginal birth helps the babies get rid of fluid during labor and c-sections don't and since I was early, they were twins, boys and I had diabetes.. there were many factors. It ended up that I didn't have them that night, my monitoring was looking ok and they wanted to keep the babies cooking as long as possible.
Finally by 11 the next day I had a new room. They kept holding off giving birth, more tests, no eating in case I had to have a c-section...day after day, same story, no answers.. docs would visit in the morning and I wouldn't see them til the next day. I had a lot of great nurses that were very helpful for the most part.. but it was boring. I wasn't allowed to walk around, except for in my room.. woo hoo! I did get to watch a lot of TNT and USA.. and the olympics were on. Joe brought me the dvd player and I watched some movies and shows. Conner would come visit almost every day, he was very well behaved and cute.. he couldn't last more than an hour. Poor Joe with all the driving back and forth. Avery made me a picture to hang up, Am brought me some pics of Conner to hang up, so we taped them to my bed table, it was nice. I had a few visitors while I was waiting to have the babies, mom, dad, Am, Kristin, Joe, Patty, Conner and Andrea came but went to the wrong building :) Dr. Wilson called a couple times to see how I was doing and what was going on, that was very nice of him!
I did a lot of laying in bed, sleeping, ordering room service for my meals- even though sometimes I wasn't allowed to eat until we got more tests back in case I was going to deliver- one night I ate dinner at 11 ! My belly was getting bigger and my cold/cough was getting worse. Every morning I had a non-stress test and every 4 hours they checked my bloodpressure..they were also collecting my pee (fun fun!) and testing it for protein and other things that I don't know what they really are! It was nice to hear the heartbeats and kicking of the boys every morning, very reassuring. I would text message people and talk on the phone a little bit but my carpul tunnel in both hands and arms would hurt after a couple minutes so holding the phone would hurt wicked after a little while (thank goodness it is gone now!). That Thursday they finally gave me an ultrasound after telling me they would, then they wouldn't, and they changed their mind again and decided they would- I was getting them every week in Leominster and was scheduled for a weight check on that Saturday (and the biophysical profiles too). They gave me an u/s but no weight check, just BPP and told me they were both "Frank breech" meaning feet first (I think, my memory is bad now!) anyways, both breech so c-section it was. I also had an vascular u/s on my leg to make sure there were no clots because it hurt a little and was getting REALLY swollen so I was a little worried. They checked out fine, phew.
Finally on that Friday they told me it would be between Saturday and Monday, still all depending on tests and bloodpressure. We got excited and of course figured it would be Saturday since we had promised Conner that Joe would bring him to Chuck E. Cheese's! They came to visit that morning and we found out it wouldn't be Saturday... it ended up being Monday morning.
On Monday morning I met my delivery nurse, Annie.... strange thing is, she was my nurse long ago when I started trying to get pregnant with Conner! She worked with my doctor at his old office! How funny it was to run in to her there, where it wasn't even my original hospital! It made me feel better that there was a familiar face, she was GREAT. Everyone took great care of me.
Joe had to get dressed in a big suit that seemed to be made out of a paper towel and put a funny cap on his head! They got me ready to go into the operating room.. I was getting scared because I have never had a c-section or surgery while I was awake! They gave me a spinal- lasts longer and is stronger than an epidural- I think! It wasn't bad. I was a little freaked when I found out they had to put a cathedar in but it actually ended up being very convinient not having to get out of bed a million times to go to the bathroom! Since my bloodpressure was really high- reason of delivering- when they gave me the spinal and started getting ready my pressure kept dropping.. my ears start to block, I get light headed and feel dizzy like I am going to pass out.. and I get hot.. not fun, very scary! That happened a few times but the nice anesthesiologist was very good and fixed it right away! It was also a little scary because I couldn't feel from right below my neck and down... VERY STRANGE! I had a terrible cough and I had the feeling I needed to cough but I couldn't get the cough out because I couldn't feel my stomach/chest.. so it was weird but after a while my cough feeling went away.
Ryan came out first at 10:49am and weighed 6lbs 2oz and then Gavin came out at 10:50am and weighed 7lbs and 1/2 oz.. I couldn't believe it when I heard them say 7, I was very surprised! Ryan had always been the bigger one in all my ultrasounds, my last one though Gavin was catching up, but it had been over 2 - 2 1/2 weeks since I had a weight check u/s. They were perfect and healthy and did not need the NICU. Then they sewed and stapled me up and wheeled me to a new room. I was VERY out of it the rest of the day, in and out of sleep, numb and drugged! They had to give me a special drug because of the high bloodpressure, an anti-seizure medicine and it makes you all out of it- they gave me that for a day.
I couldn't believe I had two new baby boys... it still seems unreal to me at times.
While in the hospital, Ryan was the one always awake and Gavin was always asleep. Gavin ate fast and burped fast but spit up a bit they said and Ryan spit up a little. Gavin is awake more now that he is home, Ryan is the fussy one and they both were not spitting up really at all until we changed formula, now they spit up a little. Ryan burps really well now and Gavin sometimes is a slacker with his burps- other times he burps just when I pick him up to put him over my shoulder!!
They have changed so much in the 7 weeks we have had them, it is amazing. Ryan is catching up in weight and is only a few ounces smaller than Gavin.. his height needs to catch up but it doesn't seem like a big difference. They both look like Conner in different ways.. it is funny. Ryan's coloring is a little darker and his hair is dark. Gavin has lighter coloring and light hair- and has since gone bald in the middle of his head... like an old man!
Conner is a good big brother and sings twinkle twinkle to them, helps feed them when he feels like it and gives them their pacifiers- again, when he feels like it. He is going to keep on being a great big brother. I can't wait to see how they change and how they grow and look more and more like Conner and see the funny things they do. They are starting to make sounds other than crying now.. Gavin has been smiling for a little while and Ryan has just started to.. I think he is feeling better now, I think the formula bothered him more than Gavin and we also think Ryan has some colic so he is more cranky (but lately Gavin hasn't been so quiet, maybe jealous of the attention Ryan gets when he screams!) We are getting the hang of it. Sometimes I feed them both at once, plop them in the boppy pillows and sit on the couch- it saves a LOT of time... they don't always want to eat at the same time and sometimes Gavin would sleep through the night when Ryan was up every 2-3 hours. It always seems that once you get one settled the other starts to fuss! Or when you change one poopy diaper, then the other goes and poops! One time I had one crying, one spitting up, Conner yelling to me from the bathroom and the phone ringing- all at once!
We are starting to get the hang of getting out of the house with everything.. I had to make two quick trips to the doctors to get a last minute appointment because they both had diarhrea (sp) and the docs were like- can you be here for 2:30? When it was 1:50 and I would have to change their diapers, get myself dressed (no, I am not always in REAL clothes!) and then pack them into the car and drive 20 minutes! We also went to one of my mother of twins New Moms group for moms who have twins 18months and younger... I was an hour late by the time I got there because they decided they HAD to eat before we left.. Gavin would've been ok, but once Ryan wakes up and decides he wants to eat- there is no time.. he will cry until you give him the bottle! But luckily they slept the whole ride to Shirley and almost the whole time during the playgroup and I just fed them before I left.
So for the most part things are going great and the boys are very good.. they have their moments (and so do I) like all new babies and moms of twins do. Sometimes I doze off and the bottle is not actually in their mouth for a minute until I realize I am not awake! I am a little sleep deprived and I can't always "sleep when they sleep" but it is all worth it. Plus- I have a nice lineup of daytime television when I am not doing laundry, washing bottles, cleaning or sleeping! :)
If you haven't been to see us, what are you waiting for!? :)
I was going in for a regular appointment and my bloodpressure was high for the second week in a row. The last time the doc had me get bloodwork and it came back normal, but this time he sent me upstairs for monitoring of my bloodpressure, bloodwork and a non-stress test on the babies. After being in there for a while my doctor came in and said I failed.. he didn't like the results of my bloodpressure and bloodwork so he was sending me to Worcester. He decided to send me there because I was 36 weeks and if the babies came now and needed the NICU, Leominster didn't have one and he wouldn't want one baby or both to have to be sent to Worcester and then I would be in Leominster and yadda yadda.. So I called Joe, my sister and mom and Liz and everyone was getting things together..and oh ya- the kid I tutored on Mondays was excited I wasn't coming! (He doesn't like math!)
The ambulance came and brought me to Worcester-- (just got a HUGE bill, really, I could've driven myself! Hopefully this will be taken care of because it's ridiculous!) They set me up in a room with no window and a clock that doesn't work.. but it was ok because they said I wasn't staying there and I thought the babies were coming that night or the next day... WRONG! My nurses were nice though. Joe came and brought some stuff, but I didn't have my bag packed so I was missing a few things- like my glasses and contact solution and case! :) My nurse made me some nice replacements and got some hospital saline. Anyways, I had contractions that night but they think it was because I was dehydrated- I didn't think I was but once they gave me fluids the contractions stopped. I went on to have them every morning but they would go away. I was really wishing I was at my own hospital, especially since I was seeing doctors I didn't know- and tons of them and interns and students, I just felt weird. They were also seeming to try and convince me not to have a c-section (because at the time one was breech and one was not, but Ryan kept moving around!) So they were making me feel bad that I didn't want to try a vaginal birth but I was worried about having to have both, having cord accidents or anything.. so they weren't making me feel better. They kept saying how a vaginal birth helps the babies get rid of fluid during labor and c-sections don't and since I was early, they were twins, boys and I had diabetes.. there were many factors. It ended up that I didn't have them that night, my monitoring was looking ok and they wanted to keep the babies cooking as long as possible.
Finally by 11 the next day I had a new room. They kept holding off giving birth, more tests, no eating in case I had to have a c-section...day after day, same story, no answers.. docs would visit in the morning and I wouldn't see them til the next day. I had a lot of great nurses that were very helpful for the most part.. but it was boring. I wasn't allowed to walk around, except for in my room.. woo hoo! I did get to watch a lot of TNT and USA.. and the olympics were on. Joe brought me the dvd player and I watched some movies and shows. Conner would come visit almost every day, he was very well behaved and cute.. he couldn't last more than an hour. Poor Joe with all the driving back and forth. Avery made me a picture to hang up, Am brought me some pics of Conner to hang up, so we taped them to my bed table, it was nice. I had a few visitors while I was waiting to have the babies, mom, dad, Am, Kristin, Joe, Patty, Conner and Andrea came but went to the wrong building :) Dr. Wilson called a couple times to see how I was doing and what was going on, that was very nice of him!
I did a lot of laying in bed, sleeping, ordering room service for my meals- even though sometimes I wasn't allowed to eat until we got more tests back in case I was going to deliver- one night I ate dinner at 11 ! My belly was getting bigger and my cold/cough was getting worse. Every morning I had a non-stress test and every 4 hours they checked my bloodpressure..they were also collecting my pee (fun fun!) and testing it for protein and other things that I don't know what they really are! It was nice to hear the heartbeats and kicking of the boys every morning, very reassuring. I would text message people and talk on the phone a little bit but my carpul tunnel in both hands and arms would hurt after a couple minutes so holding the phone would hurt wicked after a little while (thank goodness it is gone now!). That Thursday they finally gave me an ultrasound after telling me they would, then they wouldn't, and they changed their mind again and decided they would- I was getting them every week in Leominster and was scheduled for a weight check on that Saturday (and the biophysical profiles too). They gave me an u/s but no weight check, just BPP and told me they were both "Frank breech" meaning feet first (I think, my memory is bad now!) anyways, both breech so c-section it was. I also had an vascular u/s on my leg to make sure there were no clots because it hurt a little and was getting REALLY swollen so I was a little worried. They checked out fine, phew.
Finally on that Friday they told me it would be between Saturday and Monday, still all depending on tests and bloodpressure. We got excited and of course figured it would be Saturday since we had promised Conner that Joe would bring him to Chuck E. Cheese's! They came to visit that morning and we found out it wouldn't be Saturday... it ended up being Monday morning.
On Monday morning I met my delivery nurse, Annie.... strange thing is, she was my nurse long ago when I started trying to get pregnant with Conner! She worked with my doctor at his old office! How funny it was to run in to her there, where it wasn't even my original hospital! It made me feel better that there was a familiar face, she was GREAT. Everyone took great care of me.
Joe had to get dressed in a big suit that seemed to be made out of a paper towel and put a funny cap on his head! They got me ready to go into the operating room.. I was getting scared because I have never had a c-section or surgery while I was awake! They gave me a spinal- lasts longer and is stronger than an epidural- I think! It wasn't bad. I was a little freaked when I found out they had to put a cathedar in but it actually ended up being very convinient not having to get out of bed a million times to go to the bathroom! Since my bloodpressure was really high- reason of delivering- when they gave me the spinal and started getting ready my pressure kept dropping.. my ears start to block, I get light headed and feel dizzy like I am going to pass out.. and I get hot.. not fun, very scary! That happened a few times but the nice anesthesiologist was very good and fixed it right away! It was also a little scary because I couldn't feel from right below my neck and down... VERY STRANGE! I had a terrible cough and I had the feeling I needed to cough but I couldn't get the cough out because I couldn't feel my stomach/chest.. so it was weird but after a while my cough feeling went away.
Ryan came out first at 10:49am and weighed 6lbs 2oz and then Gavin came out at 10:50am and weighed 7lbs and 1/2 oz.. I couldn't believe it when I heard them say 7, I was very surprised! Ryan had always been the bigger one in all my ultrasounds, my last one though Gavin was catching up, but it had been over 2 - 2 1/2 weeks since I had a weight check u/s. They were perfect and healthy and did not need the NICU. Then they sewed and stapled me up and wheeled me to a new room. I was VERY out of it the rest of the day, in and out of sleep, numb and drugged! They had to give me a special drug because of the high bloodpressure, an anti-seizure medicine and it makes you all out of it- they gave me that for a day.
I couldn't believe I had two new baby boys... it still seems unreal to me at times.
While in the hospital, Ryan was the one always awake and Gavin was always asleep. Gavin ate fast and burped fast but spit up a bit they said and Ryan spit up a little. Gavin is awake more now that he is home, Ryan is the fussy one and they both were not spitting up really at all until we changed formula, now they spit up a little. Ryan burps really well now and Gavin sometimes is a slacker with his burps- other times he burps just when I pick him up to put him over my shoulder!!
They have changed so much in the 7 weeks we have had them, it is amazing. Ryan is catching up in weight and is only a few ounces smaller than Gavin.. his height needs to catch up but it doesn't seem like a big difference. They both look like Conner in different ways.. it is funny. Ryan's coloring is a little darker and his hair is dark. Gavin has lighter coloring and light hair- and has since gone bald in the middle of his head... like an old man!
Conner is a good big brother and sings twinkle twinkle to them, helps feed them when he feels like it and gives them their pacifiers- again, when he feels like it. He is going to keep on being a great big brother. I can't wait to see how they change and how they grow and look more and more like Conner and see the funny things they do. They are starting to make sounds other than crying now.. Gavin has been smiling for a little while and Ryan has just started to.. I think he is feeling better now, I think the formula bothered him more than Gavin and we also think Ryan has some colic so he is more cranky (but lately Gavin hasn't been so quiet, maybe jealous of the attention Ryan gets when he screams!) We are getting the hang of it. Sometimes I feed them both at once, plop them in the boppy pillows and sit on the couch- it saves a LOT of time... they don't always want to eat at the same time and sometimes Gavin would sleep through the night when Ryan was up every 2-3 hours. It always seems that once you get one settled the other starts to fuss! Or when you change one poopy diaper, then the other goes and poops! One time I had one crying, one spitting up, Conner yelling to me from the bathroom and the phone ringing- all at once!
We are starting to get the hang of getting out of the house with everything.. I had to make two quick trips to the doctors to get a last minute appointment because they both had diarhrea (sp) and the docs were like- can you be here for 2:30? When it was 1:50 and I would have to change their diapers, get myself dressed (no, I am not always in REAL clothes!) and then pack them into the car and drive 20 minutes! We also went to one of my mother of twins New Moms group for moms who have twins 18months and younger... I was an hour late by the time I got there because they decided they HAD to eat before we left.. Gavin would've been ok, but once Ryan wakes up and decides he wants to eat- there is no time.. he will cry until you give him the bottle! But luckily they slept the whole ride to Shirley and almost the whole time during the playgroup and I just fed them before I left.
So for the most part things are going great and the boys are very good.. they have their moments (and so do I) like all new babies and moms of twins do. Sometimes I doze off and the bottle is not actually in their mouth for a minute until I realize I am not awake! I am a little sleep deprived and I can't always "sleep when they sleep" but it is all worth it. Plus- I have a nice lineup of daytime television when I am not doing laundry, washing bottles, cleaning or sleeping! :)
If you haven't been to see us, what are you waiting for!? :)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Update on the Boys
Yesterday I had an u/s and a Dr. apt. I ended up seeing a midwife because they switched my apt from Tues to Monday (I wasn't seeing my regular doc anyways). The midwife was nice and thorough and mentioned things the doc hasn't yet- but that could be because I am further along now than the last time I actually saw my own doctor. ANYWAYS.....
I gained one pound in 3ish weeks, so thats good. Babies heart rates were good.. and I am measuring 34weeks (if I was having a singleton) I am 27 weeks... thats good though because I have heard some ladies measuring as much as 10weeks bigger.
Babies- at the u/s both boys looked great, heartbeats were perfect, size/growth was great. Baby B- Ryan.. measured at 2lbs 10oz :) And he gave us some good pics and good pics the other day at our 3d/4d u/s where they make the video and stuff... he was kicking a lot too! Baby A- Gavin.. measured 2lbs 5 oz, he was more head down and didnt give us a good look at his face, but did give a profile and a foot shot. :) the tech said that its not that baby A is smaller, baby B is just a little bigger than average at the moment.
So, all looked good with them and with me. I had my gestational diabetes test today, who knows when I will find out the results.. maybe if I have it they will call and schedule the 3hr test (ugh) but maybe they will wait til my next apt in 2 weeks, who knows. I go every 2 weeks now for appointments and still every 4 for u/s. I also found out that I will get non-stress tests because of the twins, those will be done in labor and delivery. I had them with Conner because of the Gest. Diabetes but they were done in the office, but that was the doctor's old office. So its good I got my visit to the hospital over with when I saw my friend Heather's baby. That trip was very emotional in good and bad ways. So that's taken care of and I think the NST start I think she said after 30 weeks, usually around 34.
I think that is it for now. I am going to try and scan some pictures at some point too.
:)
ps
Yesterday Conner asked how I got the babies in my tummy and why... then he said he doesn't want them to come home and we should give them to someone we don't know. He doesn't want them to take his toys. :)
I gained one pound in 3ish weeks, so thats good. Babies heart rates were good.. and I am measuring 34weeks (if I was having a singleton) I am 27 weeks... thats good though because I have heard some ladies measuring as much as 10weeks bigger.
Babies- at the u/s both boys looked great, heartbeats were perfect, size/growth was great. Baby B- Ryan.. measured at 2lbs 10oz :) And he gave us some good pics and good pics the other day at our 3d/4d u/s where they make the video and stuff... he was kicking a lot too! Baby A- Gavin.. measured 2lbs 5 oz, he was more head down and didnt give us a good look at his face, but did give a profile and a foot shot. :) the tech said that its not that baby A is smaller, baby B is just a little bigger than average at the moment.
So, all looked good with them and with me. I had my gestational diabetes test today, who knows when I will find out the results.. maybe if I have it they will call and schedule the 3hr test (ugh) but maybe they will wait til my next apt in 2 weeks, who knows. I go every 2 weeks now for appointments and still every 4 for u/s. I also found out that I will get non-stress tests because of the twins, those will be done in labor and delivery. I had them with Conner because of the Gest. Diabetes but they were done in the office, but that was the doctor's old office. So its good I got my visit to the hospital over with when I saw my friend Heather's baby. That trip was very emotional in good and bad ways. So that's taken care of and I think the NST start I think she said after 30 weeks, usually around 34.
I think that is it for now. I am going to try and scan some pictures at some point too.
:)
ps
Yesterday Conner asked how I got the babies in my tummy and why... then he said he doesn't want them to come home and we should give them to someone we don't know. He doesn't want them to take his toys. :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Update
Quick update... had my shower at school today.. it wasn't a surprise and I still cried when I got in... The whole pregnancy thing is emotional for me and brings back many emotions... I am happy, I am sad for Leah... happy I am blessed with these babies.... it is a lot of emotions... and just the thought of all the trouble everyone went through at work to do this for me..... it overwhelms me and makes me cry again.... I am very grateful... as the babies are kicking me right now.
Here I am at 26w4d
Here I am at 26w4d
Monday, May 12, 2008
22w1d
Here I am at 22w1d. Please don't mind the hair-do... end of the day...
Getting a little stressed here and there about feeling the BOYS (yup, 2 boys) kick. They always pull through but it is still stressful. I spent the past week with the stomache bug... NOT FUN! ugh....
Getting a little stressed here and there about feeling the BOYS (yup, 2 boys) kick. They always pull through but it is still stressful. I spent the past week with the stomache bug... NOT FUN! ugh....
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Been A Long Time
I was looking back at my myspace blogs to copy and update over here because it has been forever... I have a hard time keeping up with all my new groups and stuff.... I was looking for a pregnancy update blog.... but I don't have one!
I think I have just been waiting and being cautiously optimistic and just waiting to blog for when I had a lot of news and good pictures to scan! Well, the scanner isn't hooked up -- STILL, and my last u/s was at 10w4d and I couldn't take good pictures of the pictures and get them on the computer... Conner took a belly pic of me, it isn't the greatest.. so I need to get on the ball about that and scanning the pics.
Things are going well so far... hungry, tired, heartburn.... had some bleeding and spotting in the beginning but it has all stopped.... KNOCK ON WOOD... KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
So I am excited and of course nervous at the same time for many reasons.
But thats about it for now...... I will be better about blogging soon... I have to keep up with my American Idol blogs on myspace :)
Thanks for reading!
I think I have just been waiting and being cautiously optimistic and just waiting to blog for when I had a lot of news and good pictures to scan! Well, the scanner isn't hooked up -- STILL, and my last u/s was at 10w4d and I couldn't take good pictures of the pictures and get them on the computer... Conner took a belly pic of me, it isn't the greatest.. so I need to get on the ball about that and scanning the pics.
Things are going well so far... hungry, tired, heartburn.... had some bleeding and spotting in the beginning but it has all stopped.... KNOCK ON WOOD... KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
So I am excited and of course nervous at the same time for many reasons.
But thats about it for now...... I will be better about blogging soon... I have to keep up with my American Idol blogs on myspace :)
Thanks for reading!
Things that make Me SMILE
Things that Make me Smile.....
When Conner says Band-aid... bain-bain
When Conner calls his Spiderman Vitamins- spiderman spidermans
Knowing that I have two babies growing inside me!
Having TONS of good songs play on the radio on my drive home last night!
Sleep
Cucumbers with salt or ranch dressing
Watching LOST
Getting Real Mail, email, messages and comments on myspace :) (is that sad?)
When Conner adds "S" to a lot of his words... mines, peoples, jails
Whenever we tell Conner something he says "Cause Doctor said that?" "Cause Avery said that?" "Cause Judy said that?" "Cause peoples said that?"
We yell at Oreo, or we do something Conner didn't want or we do something wrong, he will say "That's ok, I still love you" or "But we still love you Oreo"
Conner will ask us a question and we give him the answer and he will say "Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know that" to almost everything!
Instead of saying tomorrow or tomorrow morning, Conner says "dis day in the mornin"
"Cause that's a good idea" From Conner
When Conner says Band-aid... bain-bain
When Conner calls his Spiderman Vitamins- spiderman spidermans
Knowing that I have two babies growing inside me!
Having TONS of good songs play on the radio on my drive home last night!
Sleep
Cucumbers with salt or ranch dressing
Watching LOST
Getting Real Mail, email, messages and comments on myspace :) (is that sad?)
When Conner adds "S" to a lot of his words... mines, peoples, jails
Whenever we tell Conner something he says "Cause Doctor said that?" "Cause Avery said that?" "Cause Judy said that?" "Cause peoples said that?"
We yell at Oreo, or we do something Conner didn't want or we do something wrong, he will say "That's ok, I still love you" or "But we still love you Oreo"
Conner will ask us a question and we give him the answer and he will say "Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know that" to almost everything!
Instead of saying tomorrow or tomorrow morning, Conner says "dis day in the mornin"
"Cause that's a good idea" From Conner
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Pity Party
I know many women are worse off than me with TTC and losses....but my pain is real too, everyone has their own pain. Right now my pain is great.
It is getting hard month after month trying to stay optimistic and it is hard listening to person after person say- when the time is right, it will happen, relax and it will happen, everything happens for a reason... blah blah blah. It is very hard to hear or read.
For me, it hasnt just been a year- I have been wanting a second child since my son turned one, thats when our TTC began...10-11 clomid cycles, countless blood tests, many vaginal exams, ultrasounds, checking my tubes, checking my uterus, waiting...shot after shot after shot, waiting, waiting and more waiting, getting hopes up only to be let down.... it starts to wear on your hopes and dreams, it wears on your emotional state. Not to mention the past memories, the people around you getting pregnant, going through a whole pregnancy and delivering their baby... I may lose it if someone goes on to have ANOTHER child while I have waited through their previous pregnancy and then go on to have another one.....
It is just really hard and I am having a bad few days... and the time, it goes by SOOOO SLOWLY... although for others they say- wow, you are on to your shots again already!? Ah, ya, I had to sit through about 48 days of just waiting and thinking about everything before I got to start again... that is a long time... But technically since I lost Leah, I am approaching 12months.. last year at Christmas it was very difficult because my loss was so new... I thought to myself- and others thought it too.... "by this time next year things will be a lot better" I figured I would either already have a baby or I would be pregnant...well, I am not. It is hard.... and I always have to say this disclaimer because I AM SURE people out there are thinking it- but I shouldn't have to justify my feelings or thoughts but I do it anyways, I like to please.
YES I KNOW I AM LUCKY I HAVE ONE SON ALREADY! I LOVE my son, HE IS THE BEST. I am heatlhy (except for this unexplained infertility), my husband is healthy, I have friends and family- also healthy , I have a job- I love my class, and a house... yes, I have all that... it doesn't make it any easier realizing my daughter is gone and I have yet to sustain a pregnancy again... it doesn't make it any easier. And I am not ready to "throw in the towel" and call it a complete family, my awesome son deserves a sibling and if Joe and I want another baby, we deserve to have another baby. I am not willing to give up on the meds and as people like to think "stop stressing and you will get pregnant" ahh, no, thats not the way it works... I obviuosly need some medical assistance especially seeing as how I have had some assistance and it is still not working.. I need the hormones to help me get pregnant.
It has been a long year and I am just ready to be pregnant, I want to be pregnant and I want this to work.
So, I am just in need of some hope, having a bad day.
It is getting hard month after month trying to stay optimistic and it is hard listening to person after person say- when the time is right, it will happen, relax and it will happen, everything happens for a reason... blah blah blah. It is very hard to hear or read.
For me, it hasnt just been a year- I have been wanting a second child since my son turned one, thats when our TTC began...10-11 clomid cycles, countless blood tests, many vaginal exams, ultrasounds, checking my tubes, checking my uterus, waiting...shot after shot after shot, waiting, waiting and more waiting, getting hopes up only to be let down.... it starts to wear on your hopes and dreams, it wears on your emotional state. Not to mention the past memories, the people around you getting pregnant, going through a whole pregnancy and delivering their baby... I may lose it if someone goes on to have ANOTHER child while I have waited through their previous pregnancy and then go on to have another one.....
It is just really hard and I am having a bad few days... and the time, it goes by SOOOO SLOWLY... although for others they say- wow, you are on to your shots again already!? Ah, ya, I had to sit through about 48 days of just waiting and thinking about everything before I got to start again... that is a long time... But technically since I lost Leah, I am approaching 12months.. last year at Christmas it was very difficult because my loss was so new... I thought to myself- and others thought it too.... "by this time next year things will be a lot better" I figured I would either already have a baby or I would be pregnant...well, I am not. It is hard.... and I always have to say this disclaimer because I AM SURE people out there are thinking it- but I shouldn't have to justify my feelings or thoughts but I do it anyways, I like to please.
YES I KNOW I AM LUCKY I HAVE ONE SON ALREADY! I LOVE my son, HE IS THE BEST. I am heatlhy (except for this unexplained infertility), my husband is healthy, I have friends and family- also healthy , I have a job- I love my class, and a house... yes, I have all that... it doesn't make it any easier realizing my daughter is gone and I have yet to sustain a pregnancy again... it doesn't make it any easier. And I am not ready to "throw in the towel" and call it a complete family, my awesome son deserves a sibling and if Joe and I want another baby, we deserve to have another baby. I am not willing to give up on the meds and as people like to think "stop stressing and you will get pregnant" ahh, no, thats not the way it works... I obviuosly need some medical assistance especially seeing as how I have had some assistance and it is still not working.. I need the hormones to help me get pregnant.
It has been a long year and I am just ready to be pregnant, I want to be pregnant and I want this to work.
So, I am just in need of some hope, having a bad day.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
My Day With Conner
Today I took Conner to "Breakfast with Santa" at a local elementary school. We sat in the cafeteria and had semi-rubberlike pancakes- they tasted better once we put real syrup on them- juice and goodies. Then he bought a pair of reindeer antlers and we were off to the gym to see Santa. He was so excited and not shy at all this year. He went right over and sat on his lap and got his picture taken. I am a sucker because after I had decided to get the 4 pictures for $10 the lady said or if you have your own camera (which I did) you can just take your own. I said, oh- I will just do this, I had already started writing on the form and felt awkward... so I spent the $$. Oh well. Then we walked around the gym- they had a shopping area for the kids to buy presents for their parents and then people wrapped them for the kids. Then he said he was hungry so we went back in to the cafeteria where there were free goodies that parents brought in- donuts, cookies, muffins, breads, brownies-- if I had known that BEFORE I paid I probably wouldn't have spent the money on the pancakes..again, oh well. (seems like a trickery plan to me!) There was a table set up with crayons and coloring sheets of Christmas pictures- candycanes, stocking with a teddybear and presents (or as Conner called it- a sock with a bear), xmas tree, etc. We sat down and he colored a tree.. he was very proud. He wanted to see Santa again so we went back in to the gym and I bumped into a colleague who teaches 4th grade at another school, one of her daughters was going to be singing in the performance by the chorus. But Conner said he was getting tired and it was packed in the gym so we didn't stay for the singing. I did shoot a few pictures of Conner in his daddy's old school in front of cute bulletin boards and Christmas decorations... I was very surprised there were so many Christmas displays- I think there was a Hanukkah one, but to be truthful, I don't even think there are any temples or anything even IN Townsend or Pepperell or Ashby. It was very nice to see the decorations and cute fun things the kids had done.
ANYWAYS- I also took Conner's picture in front of a Townsend Police Car because it was parked out front! :)
Then we stopped by Grammy and Grampy Rollo's house and Timmy, Chloe and Carly were just being dropped off so we stayed and played for a little while.
Then it was off to Walmart to return blinds YET AGAIN, hopefully for the last time. Conner was SOO good while we shopped, he was getting tired and almost didn't make it there because the sun was in his eyes the whole ride and he was getting upset! We did have to buy some apple juice jugs and open one- and we had to buy straws because he wanted his cup that he left in the car because he wouldn't want it :) But he loved picking out presents for baby Brooke and baby Carly and BeBe and Great Bebe.. and then he got to see Santa, at Walmart, FOR FREE, and get a picture and a candycane-- sheesh! When Santa asked if he had any brothers or sisters at home he said ya... Avery.. I said, no he doesn't, Avery is his cousin! :)
I got a bunch of presents but I forgot the outside extension cords and light timers so I can finish my xmas lights-- but it is a WHOPPING 18 degrees in Ashburnham right now- YIKES.
We had to make one more stop, to exchange a pocketbook we bought for Chloe at Dollar Tree because the zipper was broken- IT WAS PACKED IN THERE! NO room to even walk! But I just said "excuse me" to the lady at the register and told her I had to exchange the pocketbook because it was broken and we were in and out in less than 2 minutes.
We were both pretty hungry now so we ran through the parking lot to Papa Gino's and got some spaghetti, meatballs and cheese breadsticks-- it was SOOO YUMMY! And the guy was nice and had them separate it into two dishes because I had asked if one meal would be enough for me and Conner, he even threw in some extra breadsticks :) That was nice of him, great customer service- about time I got that somewhere. It always seemed when I worked somewhere it was always "the customer is always right, and do whatever for the customer" but that was never the case when I was the customer anywhere- but today it was, so thanks Papa Gino's man.
While Conner and I were eating, he was being soooo cute, wiping his mouth after every bite and saying "see, my face is all clean!" He told me the meatballs and the sauce were spicey but that was okay because he likes spicy food sometimes. I told him "Thanks for hanging out with me all day buddy, I had fun" He said, "you're welcome, I want to make you happy" or I like to make you happy- one of those.... Isn't HE THE CUTEST, SWEETEST, Little boy??!!! Then he proceeded to eat, wipe his mouth and then he was singing and making noises and weird spazzy hand movements and laying down in the boothe like a typical little boy...
He is just the best, we had a great day and I wanted to share that with everyone, let you know how much I love my son.
:)
ANYWAYS- I also took Conner's picture in front of a Townsend Police Car because it was parked out front! :)
Then we stopped by Grammy and Grampy Rollo's house and Timmy, Chloe and Carly were just being dropped off so we stayed and played for a little while.
Then it was off to Walmart to return blinds YET AGAIN, hopefully for the last time. Conner was SOO good while we shopped, he was getting tired and almost didn't make it there because the sun was in his eyes the whole ride and he was getting upset! We did have to buy some apple juice jugs and open one- and we had to buy straws because he wanted his cup that he left in the car because he wouldn't want it :) But he loved picking out presents for baby Brooke and baby Carly and BeBe and Great Bebe.. and then he got to see Santa, at Walmart, FOR FREE, and get a picture and a candycane-- sheesh! When Santa asked if he had any brothers or sisters at home he said ya... Avery.. I said, no he doesn't, Avery is his cousin! :)
I got a bunch of presents but I forgot the outside extension cords and light timers so I can finish my xmas lights-- but it is a WHOPPING 18 degrees in Ashburnham right now- YIKES.
We had to make one more stop, to exchange a pocketbook we bought for Chloe at Dollar Tree because the zipper was broken- IT WAS PACKED IN THERE! NO room to even walk! But I just said "excuse me" to the lady at the register and told her I had to exchange the pocketbook because it was broken and we were in and out in less than 2 minutes.
We were both pretty hungry now so we ran through the parking lot to Papa Gino's and got some spaghetti, meatballs and cheese breadsticks-- it was SOOO YUMMY! And the guy was nice and had them separate it into two dishes because I had asked if one meal would be enough for me and Conner, he even threw in some extra breadsticks :) That was nice of him, great customer service- about time I got that somewhere. It always seemed when I worked somewhere it was always "the customer is always right, and do whatever for the customer" but that was never the case when I was the customer anywhere- but today it was, so thanks Papa Gino's man.
While Conner and I were eating, he was being soooo cute, wiping his mouth after every bite and saying "see, my face is all clean!" He told me the meatballs and the sauce were spicey but that was okay because he likes spicy food sometimes. I told him "Thanks for hanging out with me all day buddy, I had fun" He said, "you're welcome, I want to make you happy" or I like to make you happy- one of those.... Isn't HE THE CUTEST, SWEETEST, Little boy??!!! Then he proceeded to eat, wipe his mouth and then he was singing and making noises and weird spazzy hand movements and laying down in the boothe like a typical little boy...
He is just the best, we had a great day and I wanted to share that with everyone, let you know how much I love my son.
:)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Just So SAD :(
I am just so sad right now. I am worn down, I feel defeated and this is just so hard. I just need to lay in bed by myself and cry, can't I just do that please?
It is getting harder and harder seeing person after person become pregnant and deliver their babies happy and healthy. I never thought it would take this long with so many fertility treatments. In the beginning you are excited and hopeful for what could be... then after a few months of disappointments you start to get down but then think- its got to happen soon, the odds are in my favor... so then you are hopeful again. More months pass by - and its not like they pass by quickly OR easily- or without any bumps in the road.... its like its a dirt road with pot holes. Now its been many months and on to more tests and new procedures- and yet again , more people are having their babies, announcing pregnancies, having birthdays, Christenings, etc... and here I am , still waiting, sitting, helpless to the fertility gods--- or as I like to think of it-- just plain old stupid SCIENCE. Now I feel like being pregnant seems like a far off dream, it has been so long since I have gone througha whole pregnancy and delivered a healthy , crying baby.... it feels unreal- unimaginable. And I am just getting so down and all I want to do is cry. Of course I have to put on a happy face for school and Conner and people who just feel like saying "hey, how are you" as they pass by... little do they know that that question makes me cry :(
I probably have another 10-12 or even 14 days until I can call and get things in line for my next round of shots..... then that takes at minimum 14 days, sometimes 18 days for me... then add another 2 weeks to that to find out if it worked..... and geez, who only knows what it will be like it this next round doesn't work either.... it will be another long month of heartache... heartache that I am sick of having to deal with.
:(
It is getting harder and harder seeing person after person become pregnant and deliver their babies happy and healthy. I never thought it would take this long with so many fertility treatments. In the beginning you are excited and hopeful for what could be... then after a few months of disappointments you start to get down but then think- its got to happen soon, the odds are in my favor... so then you are hopeful again. More months pass by - and its not like they pass by quickly OR easily- or without any bumps in the road.... its like its a dirt road with pot holes. Now its been many months and on to more tests and new procedures- and yet again , more people are having their babies, announcing pregnancies, having birthdays, Christenings, etc... and here I am , still waiting, sitting, helpless to the fertility gods--- or as I like to think of it-- just plain old stupid SCIENCE. Now I feel like being pregnant seems like a far off dream, it has been so long since I have gone througha whole pregnancy and delivered a healthy , crying baby.... it feels unreal- unimaginable. And I am just getting so down and all I want to do is cry. Of course I have to put on a happy face for school and Conner and people who just feel like saying "hey, how are you" as they pass by... little do they know that that question makes me cry :(
I probably have another 10-12 or even 14 days until I can call and get things in line for my next round of shots..... then that takes at minimum 14 days, sometimes 18 days for me... then add another 2 weeks to that to find out if it worked..... and geez, who only knows what it will be like it this next round doesn't work either.... it will be another long month of heartache... heartache that I am sick of having to deal with.
:(
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Update....
UPDATE
Went in for my bloodwork this morning and found out right before Conner and I went to a birthday party. My numbers dropped. I am having a miscarriage :( I am sad but not surprised, I was expecting it. I also said I didn't want to have an unhealthy pregnancy. I did let myself get excited for a few moments, thinking- Oh my., I actually might be pregnant! But it is not going to work out. Ok- I cried and probably will cry a little more, but what really got me was when the nurse told me I had to take this month off from trying- with my injections and everything. :( I have been waiting since I was pregnant with Leah for my baby- and now 7 months of fertility treatments and I have to wait another one to get started again. (And if one more person says-- well, you're young, you have time-- I really will want to punch them, yell at them and run away!)
I was not expecting that. Many people start trying again that same cycle, but I can't, not with the meds. My hormones and levels are all a mess right now so they can't start me on my injections. I have to wait a whole month and call them back when my period comes again. :( I have to keep going in for bloodwork until my HCG levels are back down to 0 .
I was not expecting to have to take a month off!!! This upsets me. I am sure it is for the best, my body needs to be regulated and what not and I can always try on my own, but I don't want anything bad to happen. So I probably won't. Maybe I will exercise a little more on my month off (well, maybe I will exercise- I havent since July!) and then I will be able to organize and straighten out the house and get everything set up in the addition- all that cleaning and heavy lifting would not have been good if I was pregnant. And I can also get my Leah tattoo- can't get that if you are pregnant. So I will do these things and hopefully my next cycle will be here before we know it. If it doesn't come within 30 days I can call the doctors and they will help me out.
Now I am on a 30 day break...... geeez, I thought 2 weeks - went by slow--- now I have to wait 30 days!!!!!! :(
Went in for my bloodwork this morning and found out right before Conner and I went to a birthday party. My numbers dropped. I am having a miscarriage :( I am sad but not surprised, I was expecting it. I also said I didn't want to have an unhealthy pregnancy. I did let myself get excited for a few moments, thinking- Oh my., I actually might be pregnant! But it is not going to work out. Ok- I cried and probably will cry a little more, but what really got me was when the nurse told me I had to take this month off from trying- with my injections and everything. :( I have been waiting since I was pregnant with Leah for my baby- and now 7 months of fertility treatments and I have to wait another one to get started again. (And if one more person says-- well, you're young, you have time-- I really will want to punch them, yell at them and run away!)
I was not expecting that. Many people start trying again that same cycle, but I can't, not with the meds. My hormones and levels are all a mess right now so they can't start me on my injections. I have to wait a whole month and call them back when my period comes again. :( I have to keep going in for bloodwork until my HCG levels are back down to 0 .
I was not expecting to have to take a month off!!! This upsets me. I am sure it is for the best, my body needs to be regulated and what not and I can always try on my own, but I don't want anything bad to happen. So I probably won't. Maybe I will exercise a little more on my month off (well, maybe I will exercise- I havent since July!) and then I will be able to organize and straighten out the house and get everything set up in the addition- all that cleaning and heavy lifting would not have been good if I was pregnant. And I can also get my Leah tattoo- can't get that if you are pregnant. So I will do these things and hopefully my next cycle will be here before we know it. If it doesn't come within 30 days I can call the doctors and they will help me out.
Now I am on a 30 day break...... geeez, I thought 2 weeks - went by slow--- now I have to wait 30 days!!!!!! :(
Friday, October 19, 2007
Why?
I was thinking this month was a total bust. I had been off and on with my positive/negative thinking but once I saw a negative pregnancy test and had cramps and spotting- i figured, its over. I resigned myself to that fact- after a little crying, and I was ready to move on to the next cycle- we would do it!
So waiting and waiting for AF to show (thats a period for those who dont know the lingo). I am wondering if she won't show because I am on progesterone (to help if there is a pregnancy). So I call so that I can move up the day I go in for my bloodtest so I can stop the progesterone and get on with it already- why waste time?
I get to go in on 13dpiui (days post IUI (intra-uterine-insemination) ). I get the call at 5pm. "Are you still spotting? Because your test was not negative but your numbers are low, your HCG is 14.7." The nurse said we have to watch it closely and see what happens, it could be an ectopic (egg implanted in the tube), or who knows, we just don't know this early. It's more "wait and see" I don't want to wait and see!
My number should be higher- if it were a great healthy pregnancy- or even more than one baby-- I had 4 eggs release- the number should be higher- I was even hoping for more than one baby- one healthy one of course, but two healthy even better. Now it looks like I get one, but it might not be healthy :(
Of course we could be jumping to conclusions, you are supposed to see what your numbers do- they are supposed to double every 2 days or so. So I go back in Saturday morning and find out more information Saturday afternoon.
- I want to be pregnant-- if it's healthy and going to last
- I want to be happy about being pregnant- I barely got to enjoy any of my pregnancy with Leah
-I don't want there to be something wrong
- I don't want to be pregnant for a few weeks only to lose it
- I don't want to be scared something is going to happen- something other than the normal things I would already be worrying about
- Bleeding and cramps and low numbers worry me that it is not a healthy one :(
-I would rather start over with another cycle and have it be a good sticky healthy one
Does this make sense? Do I sound ungrateful? because I am not, I am worried and I just want it to be NORMAL.... and all I can do is wait and worry, and of course it is all out of my control.
geeez
So waiting and waiting for AF to show (thats a period for those who dont know the lingo). I am wondering if she won't show because I am on progesterone (to help if there is a pregnancy). So I call so that I can move up the day I go in for my bloodtest so I can stop the progesterone and get on with it already- why waste time?
I get to go in on 13dpiui (days post IUI (intra-uterine-insemination) ). I get the call at 5pm. "Are you still spotting? Because your test was not negative but your numbers are low, your HCG is 14.7." The nurse said we have to watch it closely and see what happens, it could be an ectopic (egg implanted in the tube), or who knows, we just don't know this early. It's more "wait and see" I don't want to wait and see!
My number should be higher- if it were a great healthy pregnancy- or even more than one baby-- I had 4 eggs release- the number should be higher- I was even hoping for more than one baby- one healthy one of course, but two healthy even better. Now it looks like I get one, but it might not be healthy :(
Of course we could be jumping to conclusions, you are supposed to see what your numbers do- they are supposed to double every 2 days or so. So I go back in Saturday morning and find out more information Saturday afternoon.
- I want to be pregnant-- if it's healthy and going to last
- I want to be happy about being pregnant- I barely got to enjoy any of my pregnancy with Leah
-I don't want there to be something wrong
- I don't want to be pregnant for a few weeks only to lose it
- I don't want to be scared something is going to happen- something other than the normal things I would already be worrying about
- Bleeding and cramps and low numbers worry me that it is not a healthy one :(
-I would rather start over with another cycle and have it be a good sticky healthy one
Does this make sense? Do I sound ungrateful? because I am not, I am worried and I just want it to be NORMAL.... and all I can do is wait and worry, and of course it is all out of my control.
geeez
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
That's all I ask from You
That’s all I ask, is to be remembered, thought about- made to feel that people remember my daughter and that she WAS born and that I am going through a rough time right now. That’s all I ask.
Thanks to those who reached out to let me know they cared- in whatever way it was- an email, a message, a phone call, a card, flowers, I thank you, and Leah thanks you too.
Thanks to those who reached out to let me know they cared- in whatever way it was- an email, a message, a phone call, a card, flowers, I thank you, and Leah thanks you too.
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