I know it is coming , I can feel it.... THE WITCH. I have been having cramps off and on for two days so I just know I am not pregnant again this month. It is so disappointing month after month not being pregnant.... I know many people have it MUCH worse than me, and have been trying MUCH longer.. but they know, it is hard no matter how long.
I am also combining all my TTC months for number 2. I tried 4-5 months on my own, then took a break then tried another month and got pregnant with Leah, so let's call that 6 months. Then I go almost 6 months (24 weeks to be exact) being pregnant and lose my little girl. I have to wait a few months until I feel better, emotionally and physically, and then to get regular....technically I only waited 3 months, and now I am on 4 months of ttc again... add it all up because I still have yet to bring home a baby....19 months (including when I was pg) because now we are talking how many months I have BEEN WAITING for my baby! Thats a long time... if you dont want to count when I was pg - even though I was waiting for my baby, but not trying anymore....that is still about 13 months..... TOO LONG, I shouldnt even have to be trying right now, I should have my baby and my family would be complete. So to say I am disappointed is an understatement.
Top it off with getting AF, the witch, (which is bad enough), it is Mother's Day weekend, yes I am a mother, a mother to a living child and to an angel, but it should've been an even happier holiday this year because I would have my son AND my daughter. ALSO, this is the cycle last yr that I got pregnant with Leah. Add all these things up and put it on top of the loss and emotions, the hormones... it stinks :( Cramps don't help. They have been annoying and a tiny painful so far, last month wasn't too bad, but it was the month before or so that they KILLED! I had to lay down, put a heating pad on AND take advil, I usually do not have to do that.
Of course I am not out yet, but I am gettig myself ready. I don't want to get my hopes up and think- well maybe these are just implantation cramps and AF is not coming... that would be rare, yes it does happen. I looked back at my chart when I got pg with Conner and I had cramps, I had a temp dip AND I had spotting, so you never know. But I am preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. I really hope this blog is totally wrong and I end up being pregnant. That would be a happiness I haven't felt in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I feel happiness EVERY DAY with Conner, he is THE BEST. This is just a different happiness, a yearning to be pregnant and bring home a baby.
I am also combining all my TTC months for number 2. I tried 4-5 months on my own, then took a break then tried another month and got pregnant with Leah, so let's call that 6 months. Then I go almost 6 months (24 weeks to be exact) being pregnant and lose my little girl. I have to wait a few months until I feel better, emotionally and physically, and then to get regular....technically I only waited 3 months, and now I am on 4 months of ttc again... add it all up because I still have yet to bring home a baby....19 months (including when I was pg) because now we are talking how many months I have BEEN WAITING for my baby! Thats a long time... if you dont want to count when I was pg - even though I was waiting for my baby, but not trying anymore....that is still about 13 months..... TOO LONG, I shouldnt even have to be trying right now, I should have my baby and my family would be complete. So to say I am disappointed is an understatement.
Top it off with getting AF, the witch, (which is bad enough), it is Mother's Day weekend, yes I am a mother, a mother to a living child and to an angel, but it should've been an even happier holiday this year because I would have my son AND my daughter. ALSO, this is the cycle last yr that I got pregnant with Leah. Add all these things up and put it on top of the loss and emotions, the hormones... it stinks :( Cramps don't help. They have been annoying and a tiny painful so far, last month wasn't too bad, but it was the month before or so that they KILLED! I had to lay down, put a heating pad on AND take advil, I usually do not have to do that.
Of course I am not out yet, but I am gettig myself ready. I don't want to get my hopes up and think- well maybe these are just implantation cramps and AF is not coming... that would be rare, yes it does happen. I looked back at my chart when I got pg with Conner and I had cramps, I had a temp dip AND I had spotting, so you never know. But I am preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. I really hope this blog is totally wrong and I end up being pregnant. That would be a happiness I haven't felt in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I feel happiness EVERY DAY with Conner, he is THE BEST. This is just a different happiness, a yearning to be pregnant and bring home a baby.
